I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his loneliness. For the first time I was really seeing Max Evans, I saw me as he saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes, I was beautiful.

Max Evans has put a force on me. It's like my whole life changed in an instant. It's just so ironic that when something like this finally happened to me, it was with an alien.

It's September 24th, I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But then the really amazing thing happened. I came to life.

The Morning After
September 27. I'm Liz Parker and I will never look at the stars in the sky the same way again. I'll never look at anything the same way again. What did Max Evans mean when he said, "I'll see you in school?" Was it "I won't be able to breathe until we meet again" or was it just something someone says to, like, fill space? And what is he thinking right now? Is he also obsessed, tortured, going through one sleepless night to the next, wondering what's going to happen between us?

The thing about Czechoslovakians that you sorta have to factor in, is they have these incredibly soulful eyes.

Ever since I found out about Max and Michael and Isabel, I've been thinking a lot about secrets. That for everyone who has a secret, there's someone else who needs to know what that secret is. How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong. And sometimes secrets make you feel like you do belong. And now even I, Liz Parker, the smallest of small town girls with the simplest of lives-- even I have something to hide.

Monsters
Listening to Topolsky I suddenly realized that it wasn't my future I was worried about at all. My future was filled with all kinds of promise, if I could just get through my present.

The future was always so clear to me. A straight path towards my goal. I just never counted on there being any intersections. I guess that's what makes life more interesting. Keeping yourself open, letting new people in, changing your mind.

Leaving Normal
It's October 19th. I'm Liz Parker and this is what I've been thinking. Can life ever go back to normal?

Part of me wants safety, wants to go back to how things were, to a life that I could predict, where I know how life is going to be. And the other part of me wants to go somewhere else, into the unknown.

The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending.
And that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown.
And once you do, you can never go back.

Missing
It's funny how the world changes sometimes, how the streets you walked your entire life seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybe it's just you.
And then, suddenly...you begin to wonder all over again.

October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things, about life before Max Evans saved me, of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work...something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger, too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I realized one thing...that the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get, too.

285 South
Listening to Mr. Sommers, I realized how strange it must be for Max, Isabel, and Michael not to even know their own history. And how scary it would be if anyone discovered it before they did.

River Dog
All logic is gone. Here were my plans last night - finish my shift, dinner with the parents, half hour of talking to Maria on the phone, then dive into this issue I've been having with geometry, and hopefully finish in time to watch this A&E biography on Madame Curie. Instead, I took off in an open-air vehicle that probably shouldn't be allowed on the road to begin with, broke into a house, essentially stole things from it, and engaged in general bonding with aliens. Welcome to my world.

Blood Brothers
Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together? And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten there's this one moment...this perfect moment...where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from me...
And then, something does.

Moments. It's amazing how one can just change things so radically. How a wild horse deciding to cross the road at that exact time could be responsible for Max being discovered. I need one more moment now. One more chance to change direction, to stop something bad from turning into something worse.

Heat Wave
It's December 2nd, 1999. I'm Liz Parker, and this heat wave has made everyone crazy.
Heat expands, melts, makes things boil, sets things on fire. And seeing the effect of this heat all around me just pointed out in this really blatant way how my life wasn't expanding...that I was stuck.

The heat wave finally broke and I'm probably the only person in Roswell who didn't benefit from it. But it's for the best. Because if Max Evans and I had given in to temptation, if we had kissed each other even once, it would have taken us somewhere we both know we never should have gone.

Balance
There are days when everything seems wrong, when little things just irk you for no good reason. And then there are days like today when the whole world just sings to you from the minute you open your eyes in the morning, till the minute you shut them again at night, days when you actually enjoy cleaning the milk shake machine.

I've always been the one who comes through in the time of crisis. I do what's necessary, and I don't panic. But seeing Michael so sick and having no way of knowing what was wrong or how to help made me scared. Scared that one day something could happen to Max and I wouldn't know how to help this person who means so much to me, who means everything.

Into the Woods
I hate the start of a cold. That little tickle that tells you something's about to happen that you know you can't prevent, something that could be mild if you do all the right things, or could knock you off your feet if you're not careful.

I guess everyone has their reasons for keeping people away, an instinct to protect yourself from getting hurt. It's part of human nature. I just wish Max would understand that...that he would realize that he's not that different from us at all. Maybe then we'd have a chance.

Sexual Healing
It's February 20th. I'm Liz Parker, and lately I've been having these feelings, like I'm changing inside, and part of me doesn't want to change. Part of me always wants to be my mom's little girl. But the thing is, these feelings are strong...dangerous, undeniable. It's like I have no choice. It's like...chemical.

Heart of Mine
It's April 27th. I'm Liz Parker and I think I've figured out why I haven't written in this journal in nearly a year.
It's just ironic that I would figure something out really deep from like the least deep guy in America.

And there we were. All together, with everything we'd all been through over the last two years. The battles we'd fought, the relationships that were formed, the feelings for each other, stronger than any feelings we'd ever known could exist. And somehow in this moment I had this really strong, really upsetting feeling, that this was the last time we'd all be standing together.

We try to live responsible, logical lives. But we can't tell our hearts how to feel. Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go. And sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest, gentleist things we have. Sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited and confused. All at once. But at least my heart is open. And I'm writing again. I'm feeling. I'm breathing.

Graduation
I'm not religious, but I've been to church. I know right from wrong, and I know it's wrong to benefit in any way from someone else's passing. But I won't deny that Tess' death has freed me. Like a dark shadow passed over the sun before the light came flooding back. It's a brand new day full of possibilities and hope. I haven't felt like that in a long, long time. It's different for Max, he lost more than his son. He lost a sense of direction to his life, a sense of purpose. He puts up a great front, but I know.

The trouble with making plans for the future, even when you can see the future, is that fate has a way of intervening, and upsetting the best laid plans of mice and men. -Robert Burns, 1785. That was on the SAT too.

I can't tell you much more than that. It wouldn't be safe for you or for us. I can tell you that we are far away and that we are all trying to avoid the law and do good in the world. Oh, and I guess I should tell you that Max and I did eventually tie the knot. Give my love to Mom. Let her read this journal too. And give it to Maria's mom. And after that take it and burn it out in the desert by the ruins of the pod chamber where my husband was born. So that's the end. Our life in Roswell. What a long, strange trip it's been. Will we ever go back? I don't know. Even I can't see everything in the future. All I know is that I'm Liz Parker and I am happy.